Monday, 18 February 2008

Doing poos in Tunbridge Wells

As recommended by

I love doing poos in Tunbridge Wells. lol.

When I do poos in Tunbridge Wells and its environs, I make bleating noises. A bit like a sheep or a goat.

There's a famous clock in Tunbridge Wells town centre. Some of the residents like it, but I don't. lol

The Pantiles is a place frequented by the posh and the Japanese. Sometimes they slip over in one of my slippier poos.

There's a big rock in Tunbridge Wells in the shape of a toad. It's called the Toad Rock. It was named by a man from Tunbridge Wells who discovered that it looked like a toad. I often do a poo near by. I call it the turd rock.

People from Tunbridge Wells don't like people from neighbouring Tonbridge. This is because they are working class. When I do a poo in Tonbridge I always make sure I have a piss all over it, just to hammer the point home.

Tunbridge Wells is just above France and a long way away from Norway. It's great - apart from the Polish, obviously.


Lord Manley said...

I heartily approve of pooing in Tunbridge Wells.

I am a big fan of pooing and hope that your friends can also poo like I do.

Yours Sincerely.

Lord Manley (Ven)

Chickenlady said...

Well I never....

I will have to keep my eyes peeled next time I trot down to the lovely kitchen shop in the Pantiles...I don't want to slip in any poo.

victoria said...

pooing is great! I love to poo too. I must say that I have never pooed in Tunbridge Wells, but it is definitly one of the top things to do before I die... in fact it comes way before swimming with dolphins and seeing the taj mahal!!

Great site! :)

the claw of truth said...

I've only been to Tunbridge Wells once and lost the will to live while my mrs promenaded on the Pantiles. If only I'd thought of doing a huge poo, that would have stopped her consumer folly right in its tracks.

Dr Frank said...

Once, when I was a guard on British Rail, I did a poo whilst my train was at a standstill at Tunbridge Wells platform one. Then I flushed.

Max said...

Tonbridge Wells is one of the best places in the country to do poos. I heartily agree with your website sir.

digitaltoast said...

It's like visiting a turd world county.

BritSwedeGuy said...

Tunbridge Wells - worth holding in a poo for.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Your information on pooing in Tunbridge Wells is very informative. For instance, I was under the impression that it was called 'Tumbridge Wells' with an 'M', but I see that I was mistaken.

Should I ever need to poo in a city that is frequented by Japanese people, I shall look no further than your fair city.

Corvius said...



bodnotbod said...

I coming from village in Polski which we are twinned with Tunbridge Wells. I am to organise village swap with people from you that are to like pooing in our village, please, in return to which we also are poo in yours.

I am subscribe to your blog and look out you post details of how to arrange. Thank.

Neighbour of Teh Hoors! said...

Your description of Tunbridge Wells is truly heartwarming.

I think I may pop in by on my next tour of Englandshire.

I would like to know if the famous Poos Of Tunbridge Wells are signposted for tourists?


Bob said...

I notice that Tunbridge Wells is twinned with Wiesbaden in the glorious country of Germany. We also do not like the Poles, although we are glad that so many of them have come to your country. That will make it easier when we next inv...--[redacted by the google sensors]...

Also, Wiesbaden has public toilets zat are really public, meaning that one defacates in public. Helmut Muller, our mayor, is planning more public toilets. I understand from your blog that you Englisch also like to "leave a brown stain". Well, we salute you with a normal salute and not the other one, which is still illegal in our country, as is goose-stepping.

Guten nacht, auslanders, sleep well and build your def...--[redacted by the Google sensors]

Anonymous said...


I think I may drop the kids off at the pool next time I visit 'The Wells', I only hope the kids will appreciate your highly recommended waters and it's beneficial properties.

CSI:UK said...

I'm not a great fan of pooing, but knowing how many b3ta newsletter readers will see this, I thought I' plug my blog.

Kudos (or Poo-dos)

Chris said...

I live too far away to poo in Tunbridge Wells but, having been there, can understand why anyone would want to do such a thing. Quite right, too.

I will therefore be sending my own contribution by the poostal service. It will, of course arrive via turd-class mail in a brown-paper envelope and will need to be signed off.

(I was trying to think of a blog-roll gag but it's too late and I'm too tired. Creative constipation or something.)

Drewcifer said...

I want a bat t-shirt from Turnbridge Wells!

Al Spicer said...

As a spiritual and community leader, I feel, in a very real if metaphorical sense, that we are all of us, each in his or her, as may be, own way, doing poos in Tunbrige Wells

Lee said...

Thank you so much for bringing the subject of Tunbridge-Pooing back into the public eye. For too long this ancient noble art has been neglected and sadly forgotten, along with Tunbridge Pissing and of course the sadly-now-illegal Tunbridge Spunking.

Pooing in Tunbridge Wells is a wonderful pastime, keeping as it does one's bowels healthy, and indeed one's sphincter shipshape. Surely there can be no better feeling than taking in the fresh Tunbridge air whilst curling a hot one down.

I speak from personal experience when I say that laying a cable in this green and pleasant corner of Great Britain is something I hold dear and close to my heart, and I sincerely hope that other readers will give it a try too.

So come on Tunbridge Wellians, let's pull together, and poo together!

Hypernation said...

I once farted til I followed through in a tunbridge wells sainsbury's. I was embarrasee at the time but now thanks to your website I feel like I'm part of a really big shitty family. Yay!

Witton said...

I hate that stupid clocktower. But not as much as I hate Tonbridge :)